Sunday, January 01, 2006

Trying To Center Myself

I have already hinted here about my fears that I am not really using my degree. After spending all of High School, College, and my first four years of teaching in rehearsal every night and always working on finding the next play, I haven't directed or been onstage for eight years (It is also the reason I am in a sort of arrested pop culture development. I know far less Seinfeld than others my age and hardly even saw movies during that era. I was in rehearsal.). In those eight years, I find myself wondering more about why I don't miss it than actually missing the stage at all.

Then sometime, I remember. Call it the Peaches and Herb Effect. When I spend time with friends from that time, it makes me think about the stage again, almost even miss it. I have talked more in the last year with old college friends more than I did for the whole last decade combined, and I find the urge creeping again. Here's what's funny, though, I don't know that the old crazy extrovert is eliminating my new more introverted self as just leveling it out. I want to enroll in the stand up comedy classes I found, but want to find time for a sock knitting class also. I want to introduce the person I was to the person I am now and see if they get along.

I like it here in the center. If I do take time to perform again, it's not going to be the crazy "I have to do this to make a name for myself and have a show all the time" life but I don't ever want to be as introverted as I became when my depression was at its worst.

So here's to the new year, and the center.


SW said...

It must be our age, as I've found myself lately asking the question "If I met the old me on the street, what would I think of myself?!"
For what it's worth, as someone who knew you then, and tries to keep up with you now (although not as well as I should from Nash-vegas), my opinion is that the center agrees with you!
As to the new year, I'm striving to lurk a bit less (I know you hate that I flit around the edges and never have anything to say!)
Happy New Year!

educat said...

You actually should have been present at said conversation. I wondered if you were holiday-ing here in the OC. It was a lovely visit. They'll soon be an email, or phone call, or something to recount the details.