Good Evening, I'm Marlin Perkins

...and this is Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom!

Today marks the first truly crazy day at school. It was one of those days that makes me feel like Grace Kelly in comparison to the world around me.

• I spent probably 20 min talking with Junior III about why he ought to wear shoes in class.
• I actually explained to a child why his urinating on himself might be more embarassing for him than for me.
• Dear pregnant Xzahgnia (my only true leverage in a weird name poker game with Kristin) offered to work with Junior III while I helped another kid, she was so patient! I told her she might really be a good mother and she said "Oh, my son ain't gonna be like this!!!"

This was all in one class period. I fled my room grateful to go to lunch...until I had to break up a couple making out in the hall.

God bless me. Seriously, please. I had this whole other entry planned about how I was trying to balance my news coverage and what incredible pap I heard on KTOK during my morning drive...but it's hard to be thoughtful when you have to tell children not to fart in class.

Remember when I told you how much midday emails thrill me? This is why.

I am half watching Siegfried and Roy: The Miracle now and I shall close this nonsense with a question posed to me by Jill a few months ago. They say they are not gay but they call their life together "A Poem"?!?