I think the worst thing to have might be a light case of Alzheimer's.
We went to see Nana yesterday and she knew just enough to be miserable.
We found her in her room wearing a sweatshirt and slip, standing over her bed, looking thoughtfully at a pair of sweatpants. The three of us helped her into her pants, Nana asked us if we thought she still needed the slip, we told her no and sat her down in her wheelchair for a visit.
We watched her go from as sharp as a tack, remembering my sister and telling us how she knew her son had died to lost in her head, calling me by the name of an elderly man in our old church (I am serious. It put only a slight dent in my self esteem but know that anyone wanting to charm me can do so by sharing how I don't look like an 80 year old man) and telling some long story about how her grandson had invited her to his wedding and she sat, dressed and ready to be picked up, and no one came.
Who knows what it was that made her upset, it could have been either of these stories. But she became very upset. She cried to the point of sobbing and took me with her with her words. "You know, I have always been a good girl. I have been religious and good my whole life and I just don't know what God is doing to me."
It was the first time I had seen my Nana in pants and the first time I saw her cry. I know she won't get better and although I am guilty and afraid to do so, I am beginning to wish she would slip a notch deeper into this awful disease so she wouldn't have to know the truth of her life.