Wednesday, August 06, 2008

An Open Letter To The New Counselor Who Told Me That I Might Just Have Thirty-Eight Students In My English Class And I Should Deal With It


Welcome to the profession and welcome to our school.

You've been charged with the task of checking schedules for our students and I'd like to thank you for that work. Long, long, ago in May, someone went to our big fancy scheduling program and pushed a big red button. That button was to have put every child in academically appropriate and challenging courses taught by loving teachers who would mentor these children to success.

As with everything, it didn't always work. Schedules are all higgeldy-piggeldy and someone must go through to make sure that children don't have four Gym classes or no History. I'm very sorry, but that unfortunate duty falls on you.

Again, welcome.

It's fine that you gleefully announced that you were all the way through the I's in the alphabet and it's fine that we found legions and legions of errors before we even reached the letter D. It wouldn't even matter at all (ok, it would matter, but it would be a problem we'd work through together) if you hadn't said what you did. Another teacher noticed to you that I had 38 students in one class and your response was,
"Ms. Educat might just have do deal with 38 students in one class".

And so, new counselor, a choice presents itself to you. Choose carefully, for the road you take at this juncture will define your first year if not your entire time with us here.

You must choose to be either mean or incompetent. You cannot be both.

I'd advise you mull over your options here. If you choose to be mean, it will mean you must be smart. If your job is done to its utmost, I can handle your bitchiness. I would even respect it, because your work will be done and I won't have to speak to you.

Should you choose to be stupid, I can respect that choice as well. Many others have made this choice and if you'll watch the most successful among them, you'll notice that they're kind souls. We smirk sympathetically when we speak of them and shake our heads with a "bless her heart". We help those dumb people. We even love them.

Dumb bitches do not make friends at work. They don't get much respect either. Please be aware that if you choose this option, you will become an object of contempt to many of your co-workers.

The choice, then, is yours. Thank you in advance for allowing this unsolicited advice: Be mean, be dumb. Just be aware that you cannot be both.

Love, kisses, and best wishes for the best school year ever,

Ms Educat


chitarita said...

LOVE the letter, and am thinking of at least 5 people I'd like to cc: it to.

"Ms. Cornelius" said...

OhmiGAWD, this is genius! I think there shall be another educat quote enshrined on my sidebar....

Mister Teacher said...

"Ms. Educat might just have to deal with 38 students in one class".

You're so refined and witty. I think I would have responded, "Ms. Counselor might just have to deal with my foot in her @$$ this year."

educat said...

Oh, Mister Teacher, Educat is far more refined and witty than her real life counterpart. She'll never hear this whole tirade.

But she does have until Labor Day to get all this crap fixed. Then I start the name-calling and foot in ass planting.

And I have a very large foot.

Scott Jones said...

I really enjoyed this one.

So, another summer passed without our hanging out and now that "school" thiing will get in your way again, I suppose.