Saturday, December 10, 2011

Where I Find The Old Educat Costume, Packed Away In Mothballs

Um, Hi.

I've been thinking about visiting here again. No idea why. No idea who is listening. But as I think about what this blog was and who I was as it ended, it's felt like a loose end.

If you're wanting a salacious answer like "I was a man trapped in a woman's body" or "You've heard that Sasquatch walks in Oklahoma", go back to whatever you've been doing for the past two years.

At the end of this blog, I was living with my sister, watching what we now know was a brain tumor squeezing out her judgement and personality. In the process, it hurt me (and probably others) in ways I'm just now figuring out and in June of 2010, it took her life. She'd been married eight months and was 35 years old.

And it's awful. It's horrible. It's tragic and every possible bad adjective you could fine for this injustice but it was also the end of that aforementioned hurt and the beginning of some clarity. How sad and embarassing to get clarity with a death. I probably offended some folks when I couldn't cry too much in that first year she was gone. I heard just last night that my sister's widower (do people even say that? Feh.) say that I seem so happy I must have forgotten my sister (Oh. Did I tell you I'm getting married? Imagine me knees together drawing a circle on the ground with my toe and grinning when I tell you I AM!!).

I'm moving because life demands we move. I'm moving because I grieved the loss of my sister for more than a year before she died and her death brought sense to some grief and I guess I wanted to say that here so it could safe. Don't tell him I said that, ok?

I probably have more to say and it might happen, but for now I'm going to investigate all my comments. I hear I can get some great deals on electronics!!


Amerloc said...

Glad you stopped by. Glad you're leaving the door ajar.

I'm sorry.


And yeah, the electronics deals are unbelievable.

PamelaTrounstine said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. We're still here and still fans, but life gets busy, blog when you've got something to say!