For my sister, it was impossibly hard to watch the Cardinals, the family baseball team since at least my great grandfather, win the World Series.
For me, it's election day.
I took today off and had a very clear picture of what the day would have been if Dad were still with us. I'd have picked him up and taken him for coffee. We'd both go vote, probably me first and then we'd head to his polling place. After that, we'd have lunch at one of the dives that no one else in the family would go to. We'd joke the whole way about the two of us canceling the rest of the family's votes. Then I would take him home and we'd laugh about the Food Network (All my theories on how the other Food Network stars make fun on Sandra Lee behind her back or how I want to smack Rachel Ray and tell her to pipe down are bits I tried first on him.).
In real life, I voted, made all those jokes in my head, went to Target, and drove around the cemetery trying to remember just where in the damn we left him. I never found him, can't remember if it's the Garden of Everlasting Life or the Garden of Memories or the Garden of the Clean Plate Club. I wanted to tell him what we'd have done today and how we're doing now. I wanted to tell him about my classes and my month in Massachusetts.
I saw Helen Mirren in The Queen this weekend. At the beginning of the film, there is a scene in which Queen Elizabeth ceremonially asks Tony Blair (played by Michael Sheen) to form a government. I had never thought of such a scene and it was fascinating to me.
In the United States, we are the ones who get to ask that question. It was hard to ask today, but I am glad I did.
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8 comments:
Hey. I've been reading your blog since the reunion and I watched and prayed during the loss of your father. Didn't comment because there was nothing for me to say except "it just sucks." I comment now because I totally relate to your visit to the cemetery. The first time I visited my dad, I couldnt find him either. I felt like a horrible daughter! I had to go to the office to get a map. A map! The only thing else I can say which I should have said earlier is that eventually, but not soon enough, it starts to suck less. And hopefully, due to election results, other things will begin to suck less too.
it has been 9 years, and I stilled have not been back to my Mom's gravesite, so I would be unable to find it either. Voting is a big thing in my family as well, and I know I am canceling out the far right members of the family.
Hang in there, it doesn't get better, but it does get easier
Well, one of my biggest joys is calling my grandfather, and reminding him that through the wonder of absentee voting, I'm cancelling out his vote in Oklahoma!
Unless my ballot is getting thrown in the trash when it arrives, of course, or put in a pile in a back room.
But I like to dream. ;o)
And I had not really, truly thought about not having an actual, physical grave to go to, of my Dad's, until now.
I'm going to choose to believe that I'll continue to be alright with it.
I enjoyed your post. and I would love to smack Rachel Ray as well, her voice just gets on my nerves.
Thank you all.
Anna, get me your email!! I have thought about you a lot the last few months and never got your address when we saw each other last year. Yeah, I'm slowly getting used to the suckage.
Jill, you did cancel Grandpa's vote. We'll not delve further into politics. As far as having a place to visit your father's remains, until I go back and find the place, I don't either. Get your ass home and you can visit Mister Dave anytime if it helps.
Katie, Rachael Ray's voice bugs me, but you know what really gets to me? The way she uses the abbreviation EVOO but says extra virgin olive oil right after anyhow. She'd get that Thirty Minuite Meal down to 28 if she'd cut that business out.
As my father and I rehashed the results of the election, I paused several times during our phone call thinking two thoughts: first, my dad hates the phone; this is a special moment, and second, how many of these conversations do we have left? Politics is one of our shared "loves," and as I talked to him I thought of your dad and you. Thank you for causing me to realize that these moments are rare and that I should cherish them instead of taking them for granted. You are a teacher outside of the classroom as well as in.
For the record, I cried just now as I did in Dept meeting when you told me that.
We're both very fortunate, I am so glad you're enjoying that fortune now!
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