Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Somehow, This May Even My Bad Spending Karma

Don't hate me. I bought a Glamour magazine for the first time in probably the last decade.

It was an innocent mistake. My plan was to read their article on "Women Who Blog" as it included an interview with Heather "Dooce" Armstrong.

The article was not worth the money I spent, and the magazine as a whole reminded me of my belief that there is a subset to the female gender. There are Glamour women, the ones who fret and fret over the size of their sunglasses and have to see a model wearing five shades of lipstick before they purchase one (I just go to Target, select three finalists in shades of plum, and somehow end up with one. It takes about 2 min.) and there's the other kind. The other kind does worry about whether or not they look like they've entered the new millenium, but not obesessively so. I like a pedicure, but don't have a pedicurist on speed dial. I don't know if I am the subset or the Glamour woman is, but suffice it to say that we differ.

So I have this glossy, guilty magazine and I have decided that the only way to absolve myself of the guilt of this purchase is to a. allow any of you that I see in "real life" to read the article so I can say I bought the magazine for the public good or b. to bring you some small bit of laughter by reading the Selma Hayak interview the way I hear it in my head.

So this brings the audio. Ms. Hayak is interviewed by Ashley Judd, her friend and fellow celeb. I shall be reading the voice of Selma Hayak in some generic foreign accent (after listening, a cross between The Count from Sesame Street and Natasha from the Bullwinkle cartoons) and Ashley Judd in my normal voice (because, of course, Ashley Judd sounds vaguely Southern and that sounds quite normal to me).

Please Enjoy. Every time you laugh, it's like a spent a dime less on this crap.

this is an audio post - click to play

5 comments:

Hillary said...

BWAHAHA! How funny!

I've been looking at Audio Blogger for awhile, but I haven't been brave enough to try it. Thanks for the road test!

Hillary

Another English Teacher said...

I distinctly heard some Roseanne Roseanna Danna in there! That was hilarious!

EdWonk said...

I too thought of Gilda Radner. But then again, Selma Hayak makes me think of something else altogether... That part about Ashley Judd not "engaging the world" before 12 O'clock noon just cracks me up. At least she told the truth. Usually, these celebrities just go on and on about how hard they "work" to earn all those millions.

Mrs. N said...

Oh, ASHLEY! Yeah, let me think... um, in my TEACHING JOB, I do the majority of my world-engaging before noon. Must be nice...

Btw, keep the magazine around. I use those guilty purchases as magazine scrap for artistic projects in the classroom.

"Ms. Cornelius" said...

I try not to engage with the world before noon, too, but the friggin' world keeps trying to engage with me, and really, I would rather just be friends-- really, it's not you, world, it's me.....