Sunday, November 06, 2005

How To Make Me Squirm In Knitting Class

The following is a near transcript of my Haloween knitting class. This may not be exactly how it happend, but it's the picture my memory creates. And I'm sticking with it. One of the longer 60 second periods of my life.

Educat (chuckles to self):Boy, I do a lot of baby knitting for someone with
no kids.

Lady From Class #1: Oh, if you had kids you wouldn't have time
to knit.

Educat: That's true. I also sort of enjoy being the Fairy
Spinster.

Lady From Class #2: But Hon, you have to get out there,
sweetie!

Educat: I've always wondered exactly where out there--

Lady 1: Do you go to church?

Educat: I'm sort of betw--

Lady 2: Oh, sugar, all the young people are going to the Life
Church
!

Educat: Well, I don't know if I'm that young.
Besides, I'm sort of a recovering Baptist.

--silence fills the room like
I just announced I needed a knitting chart for a pentagram---


...and you can't exactly go to church for the sole purpose of meeting
someone, now, can you? So I'm fine. If it happens, it happens. If this is all my
life is, it's pretty good.

You know, I don't know if I really sounded that "Mr. Smith Goes To Washington" at the end. I don't think I am that articulate in person. Let's remember it this way, though.

7 comments:

Greek Shadow said...

When you relax and just let it happen someone will appear and be the right one for you. Maybe a platitude, but there is always someone for everyone. Just don't get so desperate that you make a really bad choice. Unfortunately there are not alot of good men out there.

educat said...

Eh, I have long since relaxed. This isn't a story about lonely me. This is a story about those moments I have to explain myself--like right now.

I had a rash of friends go through messy divorces right after college and decided then how much settling isn't worth anything.

Thanks, though, I know you mean well.

Scott Jones said...

i feel your pain

but, I've also got three different potential dates within the next couple of weeks!

Karina. said...

But candy cane, why are you taking a knitting class if not to meet older women with nephews about your age? Or to get pity for your poor unmarried self? Or to fill the empty voids in your life that should properly be filled with two men - Jesus and a successful husband? Muffin, you just need to get your priorities straight. Start knitting crosses for orphans, almond bark. That should help you meet the right kind of man.

Stephanie said...

Recently, a friend mine (an older lady with kids, grandkids, the whole nine yards) asked me where I was going to church now that I lived in OKC. I attempted to give her a brief explanation of my current, rather complicated, relationship with the church. As I was trying to help her understand why I had not joined the church where I have a job as pianist, she interrupted me to say "Well, I'm glad you're going. Church is THE place for you to meet someone."

Needless to say, I gave up on the intellectual conversation I had been attempting. How do you talk to someone who thinks that church is a dating pool? I don't get it.

"Ms. Cornelius" said...

Actually, sugarplums, I imagine, as an expat Okie m'self, that the silence thing came from claiming to be a recovering Baptist, which, along with the Church of Christ (Campbellite, not UCC-- which I was told stood for United Church of Communists by one earnest soulsaver) basically OWNS Okieland. One might as well admit to having a sex-change operation as cop to leaving the Baptist Church.

I used to wear a GREAT BIG crucifix when my parents forced me to go to Garnett Road Baptist Church. It kept me entertained. Wearing a Buddhist thangka would have been better, but you couldn't get stuff like that in OK back in the 70s unless you went to a head shop....

What is it with some people where they measure your life, find it wanting, and then want to "fix" you?

Have fun with the knitting, Educat. If Christine Lavin (cool folksinger) gives a concert near you, you should go-- she knits at intermission with her fans.

pfmdn... puff maiden

educat said...

Christine Lavin is already a HUGE favorite of mine! I have a live album and had I only known she was OUT KNITTING with her audience at intermission...oh bliss...

Also, I'll never forget when as a 12 year old Madonna fan (forgive me, internets, I got over it) I asked my mom for a crucifix necklace. "Um, our crosses are empty.", she responded. Kristen of the Musers has a similar story, but the accompanying hand motions make the story.

Thank you, Ms Cornelius, for putting "Doris and Edwin, The Movie" into my head. It's a fine soundtrack for my evening.