Actually, I don't need you to play therapist for me, you can just read.
I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed I was auditioning for a show again. It's the second time this week I had this dream and I was fully clothed the whole time (in otherwords, it wasn't one of those "don't have it together" crazy dreams), I was really auditioning, really dong well, etc etc.
I know I had this dream because of my turn in thoughts lately. After 6 years of mostly only seeing high school plays (and then only because I was seeing my students or judging one act contest), I have started seeing plays again. In the last month, I have seen four shows, only one of them high school, have tickets to another and plans for yet another. Why the sudden surge in Thespian Points? I think it must have something to do with my new increase in mojo. It has taken me all of the six years outside of drama world to not feel like a total failure when watching a play.
My departure from drama world was a bit unceremonious. After three years of teaching drama at my alma mater, my program was cut when it was determined we were not large enough to justify a full time drama program. I was then transferred to another high school as the "second teacher" and was given classes of kids who didn't want to dress out for gym. I had kids with house arrest bracelets, throwing the floor tiles in the room as they came up, and was perceived by the hardcore drama kids as a threat to the drama director. It was bad and I got out in a year.
So I have spent the last six years doing other stuff. I don't miss nightly rehearsals or the perception of the day to day life of a drama teacher ("So, do you do a play every weekend?" or "Wow, that's really not like work at all!"). All of the sudden I feel calmer about being around the theatre and even feel the edge of wanting to get involved again myself.
I don't know what all this means. I don't want to be in rehearsal all the time and I don't feel moved to get my acting resume together just now. I am simply fully enjoying plays again.
And that is a big big step.