I Believe it was Plato or Morrissey Who Said...

Recently I found the joys of McSweeney's web site. There are new, literate and stinking funny posts daily. This one took me back to my high school/college self and so I give you:

Lame Excuses Roommate Has Given for Breaking Dates or the Smiths Lyrics?
BY SARA GRANT
- - - -
1. My dog just died today.
2. I started something, I forced you to a zone and you were clearly never meant to go.
3. Because you're evil and you lie.
4. You wouldn't like the real me anyway.
5. Girlfriend in a coma, I know, I know, it's really serious.
6. I may have scurvy.
7. I'm too despondent to leave my room.
8. What difference does it make?
9. I know I'm unlovable; I wear black on the outside because black is how I feel on the inside.
10. I lost my faith in womanhood.
11. I would go out tonight but I haven't a stitch to wear.
12. My girlfriend left me with a broken heart and a lost virginity, and frankly, I can't see you doing any better.

Smiths lyrics: 2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 10, 11Roommate's excuses: 1, 6, 7, 12Both a lame excuse and a Smiths lyric: 4