Ramblin' Educat

Blog Van Winkle (Rip Van Blogle? Rip Blog Winkle?)

2011-12-11T08:01:00.001-06:00

So in the past three years, give or take, I've moved twice, lost a sister, gained a fiance and a cat and doubled my teaching load (moved from a 4 period day to a 7 period day). That said, I barely read blogs anymore.

Are people paying so much attention to facebook that blogs are the frontier again (or even worse, are they MySpace!?)? It seems that teacher facebook scandals are bigger than anything the blogs were experiencing when last I was around. It leads me to wonder if there's greater civility over here in the land of the full paragraph. In fact, as I remember it, this was the very thing I had planned to write about when I left: I won't get on facebook because I'm a full paragraph gal. Prose=civility! Status updates are for looky loos!

Then we had a snow storm and I got on facebook.

Turns out that talking with old "from real life" friends on the internet was much of what I needed to pull me out of a funk--a funk that I later realized was the confusion of living with a sister whose frontal lobe was greatly compromised. I think I'm discovering that there's a place for all of this, it's just a matter of what news goes where.

And I'm not sure what news goes here now. I am thinking big thoughts about my job--What is all this testing going to do to us? Are the big changes happening in the biz going to kill public ed or is it just another change? I'm thinking about being married. I'm thinking about being forty (because that happened too) and if I have any business thinking of kids (Advice to you my reader? Don't ask). Does all of that belong here and is anyone listening? Remains to be seen, I suppose.

Thanks, Amerloc, for the happy welcome back. Again, we'll see what happens.

Where I Find The Old Educat Costume, Packed Away In Mothballs

2011-12-10T06:37:00.001-06:00

Um, Hi.

I've been thinking about visiting here again. No idea why. No idea who is listening. But as I think about what this blog was and who I was as it ended, it's felt like a loose end.

If you're wanting a salacious answer like "I was a man trapped in a woman's body" or "You've heard that Sasquatch walks in Oklahoma", go back to whatever you've been doing for the past two years.

At the end of this blog, I was living with my sister, watching what we now know was a brain tumor squeezing out her judgement and personality. In the process, it hurt me (and probably others) in ways I'm just now figuring out and in June of 2010, it took her life. She'd been married eight months and was 35 years old.

And it's awful. It's horrible. It's tragic and every possible bad adjective you could fine for this injustice but it was also the end of that aforementioned hurt and the beginning of some clarity. How sad and embarassing to get clarity with a death. I probably offended some folks when I couldn't cry too much in that first year she was gone. I heard just last night that my sister's widower (do people even say that? Feh.) say that I seem so happy I must have forgotten my sister (Oh. Did I tell you I'm getting married? Imagine me knees together drawing a circle on the ground with my toe and grinning when I tell you I AM!!).

I'm moving because life demands we move. I'm moving because I grieved the loss of my sister for more than a year before she died and her death brought sense to some grief and I guess I wanted to say that here so it could safe. Don't tell him I said that, ok?

I probably have more to say and it might happen, but for now I'm going to investigate all my comments. I hear I can get some great deals on electronics!!

Where I Am

2009-06-24T17:37:00.002-05:00

Mister Teacher (and others) asked. You should know, I'm alive. Lots of stuff has eaten my will to blog. Facebook is a big factor (yeah, I know, it really didn't hurt when I made like a lemming and went off the cliff...) but I've also just been framing thoughts differently in my head. I've been semi working on a possible stand up routine, reading books, the dog ate my weblog. Just haven't felt it.

Tell you what, I'll try to think toward blogging. Don't know how soon, but I'll try.

Ice Melting

2009-01-27T11:04:00.002-06:00

We're in the teacher's parking lot after school yesterday and the ice has been falling since about 10am. We already know there's no school the next day and so we're toting extra work to our cars and wanting to get home as soon as we can.

There are times that I just unashamedly love my job and my co workers and this moment was one. Two or three of the men are walking around with their big scrapers, helping the ladies get their cars clean and a couple of us who happened to have de-icer handy shuffled around spraying it on other cars. Everyone's mood was light while concerned that everyone will arrive safely at home.

It might be a strange thing to find so much grace in such a small thing, but I slid home last night a bit warmer than I would have been.

Relief For My Backed Up Craw

2009-01-24T10:56:00.002-06:00

I once again need to get something out of my craw. It's large and has been annoying me for some time. I'll begin by describing one representative situation and then working into a meta conversation.

Our semester began on January 6th. On that day, I met a whole new group of students for the first time. January 9th was Pumpkin's last day of class until the end of February. She is leaving to have her baby. The next morning, I have an email in my box asking me to prepare work for Pumpkin. Now, they don't want this work all at once, but I am being asked to prepare work for her for ALL SEVEN WEEKS OF HER ABSENCE.

Are. You. Serious?

I asked a few people if I really was hearing correctly. I asked her asst principal and her counselor if I was really supposed to supply this child with a textbook and page numbers and expect that those assignments would be equivilant to actually attending class. Their reaction was baffling.

"Yeah, just give her the work." Like the entire experience of life in my classroom can be boiled down to a worksheet.

This struggle affixed to my craw and festered. I took my plight to our next Principal's advisory committee meeting and the story was met with similar outrage by the other teachers in attendance. My head principal got it also. Oddly, the counselor just sat there slackjawed, completely failing to see the problem here.

Here in the Great State of Oklahoma, the class of 2012 must pass four of seven End of Instruction exams in order to graduate high school. Schools must jump through their buttholes to document that Pumpkin and those like her are given every bit of instruction and every possible chance to succeed. However (and I discovered this after a long hard read of State law regarding education), we have no State attendance requirements. So, Oklahoma, what you're saying is that I could be sued for failing to educate a child who never bothered to show up in my classroom? Really???

My first steps to relieve my pain over this sitation is to finally answer the emails from the counseling office. I assembled work for Pumpkin with the following note...

Attached is another couple of week’s worth of work for Pumpkin. I apologize
for the wait, but it is impossible to prepare English II as a correspondence
course. The work attached is not an equivalent for the work done in class,
despite my real and honest effort to give your student an equivalent
experience. Please be aware that I am unsure if Pumpkin will be prepared
for her End of Instruction exam by simply completing bookwork.

Also, I am happy to schedule a time for your student to make up
the test over the three stories she was previously assigned. I will cover
details of the stories as well as the literary elements of plot, mood, and
conflict.

Completion of this work will bring Pumpkin relatively up to date
and I will start working now on the next batch of work. Thank you for
understanding my difficult position, I am concerned that the textbook simply
can’t provide all the learning we’ve done in class.

luv and hearts--
Ms Educat

...and for the larger problem, I am on this, friends. I am all up in this situation. I'm making plans to speak with State legislators about this. My first approach will to listen, a sort of a "help me understand" approach. In fact, is there any insight you have to this situation? After that, we start talking legislation. Ms Educat is going to the Capitol.

Thank you, and watch your step as you walk away. All that stuff from my craw is lying around on the floor.

2009-01-24T09:50:00.000-06:00

Take the Quiz here!

Yo Comments Are Whack!

2009-01-22T13:57:00.001-06:00

This doesn't need commentary...

A Waste Of Tea, But A Huge Relief

2009-01-19T17:37:00.002-06:00

Got back yesterday from our school's annual leadership retreat. We took 55 great kids and spent about two days talking about being the best we could be and turning our school around.

What did I get from this? Besides strengthening relationships with some students, I learned the latest in goofy teen boy tricks.

I walked into the room to meet with my small group Saturday morning just in time to hear one of them announce,

"Dude, I'm so mad at that one kid. He totally teabagged me last night"

Don't comment here asking me what that is. You're on a computer, so you'll have to look it up yourself. If it's enough for you to know that it's a sex act, then now you know that.

I'm standing there frozen and a bit torn about what to do. Should I trust that the conversation will end soon? Just move on with our agenda? Anything else will let on that I know what they're talking about...

"Yeah, we totally got this other kid and he didn't even know. He was asleep!"

Oh sweet crap. I hate this...

"I'm gonna get him back though. I got these this morning"

...and the kid produces two tea bags from his backpack. Evidently, the fad is to actually place wet teabags on unsuspecting friends.

Whatever you kids are calling it these days.

Pretend Like You Won And I'll Drop Balloons!!

2009-01-13T14:54:00.003-06:00

By admitting that it's taken five years to get this many hits, I will appear far less cool and much more obscure but I've never been one of the popala girls so whatever.

Sometime this week (tomorrow, I'd guess), Ramblin Educat will turn over 100,000 hits.

I'm celebrating this milestone by rolling out a bunch of new crap. I'll have my twitter account linked (because seriously, I rock at under 140 characters) and will perhaps begin a discussion of why I am avoiding facebook. The conversation promises to probe deep into my bitter and nasty psyche. You'll want to stay tuned.

Because My Life Is That Fascinating

2009-01-11T18:03:00.001-06:00

I'm on twitter. Search for mseducat if you'd like to find me.

Monday: The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life

2009-01-10T10:26:00.001-06:00

I am so excited to get a student teacher on Monday!

Firstly, I am so very ready to start a young teacher on her way to a long career spent investing her efforts into students. I had the best student teaching experience a puppy teacher could want. My cooperating teacher was actually an old friend from church (she babysat me as a child), I planned to be a Speech/Drama teacher so the twelve hour days were no shock at all to me and my mentor teacher could watch me work with kids and articulate with ease the things I did well and the things that weren't so great. I want to be that encouraging friend that naturally builds on the wealth of gifts that my puppy will bring.

Secondly, I need another set of hands. It's beyond tough to run a school spirit empire, a fake kid government, and to maintain full responsibility for two of the three Rs. She's going to take over one class at a time and her first one will happen quickly so I can work on Senior assembly. I can't wait to share the burden of grading.

But there's a gamble, isn't there? I'm assuming that babygirl is a natural teacher who just needs one last good push into the big world of teaching, but what if she isn't? I don't expect her to work twelve hour days, but what if she thinks that teaching is a seven hour a day job? What if she's a yeller?

So I guess I want ideas. I'm already noting everything my buddy Ms. C shared a coupla years ago but it's been about 12 years since I've had a student teacher and it was in a whole other subject area. Thoughts, please. I have a student teacher...and go!

New Semester News

2009-01-06T19:31:00.003-06:00

Brother of Urinator didn't show in class today. He's still on my roll. I have set my mind to give him his own, very fair shot into my good graces but that doesn't mean that I'd rather not exercize that particular professional skill.
The Sophie's Choice of teacher-dom is no longer my dillema!! My plan is during the lunch period so I have a giant planlunch all smashed together!! Today I used the restroom and ate a healthy lunch! Such riches!

Just A Few Quick Questions

2009-01-05T18:34:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow, our new semester begins and I have the brother of "The Urinator" in my last period class. From what I've been told, The Urinator is the good brother. Would you cry to the counselor's office for some sort of immunity ("Do I have to have both of the pee brothers!?")? Is it a situation worthy of special consideration?
For the English teachers--When you're in those awful staff development meetings and other teachers refer to you as "An English Person", are you tempted to answer them in your best Princess Margaret voice? No? Not even a little?
If you're at lunch with a group of mixed age colleagues (all "English People" for what it's worth, and no one eating fish and chips...) and all the diners of a certain age are bemoaning the downfall of society and how text messaging has brought us there, should I mention that I was just notified by text message of the passing of my great uncle?
If not Princess Margaret, how about Eliza Doolittle?

For the record, I'd say: no but I'd like to; yes, yes, oh HELL YES; no; and tempting but no.

One True Thing

2008-12-22T09:31:00.004-06:00

One True Thing is streaming over on Hulu right now. I watched it yesterday while attacking some Christmas knitting.

The irony of this is totally available to me. When the movie first came out, my whole family commented how much I seemed like the Renee Zellweger character (especially when they refer to her and her best friend as "The Sylvia Plath Twins") and here I am just a few years later, doing the Christmas knitting and hoping my mom will be all right this Christmas.

By the time it got to this clip, the knitting was almost done and I was sobbing uncontrollably. Don't worry, you'll only see the five minute clip here.

You're A Mean One Mr Grinch

2008-12-18T22:54:00.001-06:00

If you're wondering, it's me.

I'm the mean one. The only one who doesnt' give their class a party or let children play the last day of the semester. We're doing reflective writing.

I'm the mean one. Anyone else with me?

Knitting And The Single Woman

2008-12-17T21:46:00.002-06:00

...or How I Ended Up With A Phone Sock

Once I realized that this fetching sock was too large for my sister's ipod, I was left to find another use for this beauty. It was still on the needles at the time and when my spirit club co sponsor noticed it, I told him I was experimenting with ipod socks.

My ulterior motive, of course, was to feel him out to see if he'd want it...

I need to stop and talk about my spirit club co sponsor. He is perfect. My love for him is deep and pure and platonic (because, seriously, he's about nine years old or something...). He is perfect for our silly club and he loves hand knits. When I gave him a hat, he went right inside to look at the striping and commented on how much he loved the inside. What!?

Comment sometime on the beauty of the wrong side of a hand knit. It's how to love a knitter.

So I was all ready to wrap this chunk of yarn and glory for my buddy until he said, "I really want an ipod sock, my wife promised to make me a felt one, but that hasn't happened yet."

Dang. Is it a strange moral line in the sand that I won't make this man something his wife promised him? I've met his wife and love her, I'd amputate my hand before I'd offend her.

So I'm left to use this sock on my phone. It might be where it should be. Could anyone else really appreciate this perfect graft at the bottom? I doubt it.

They're Not Hats, Just Trees

2008-12-16T20:20:00.003-06:00

I have a tiny forest of felted trees from Mason Dixon Knitting, Outside the Lines going right now. Two different friends of mine today thought I was making rather artistic hats--not the case. Here are my favorite three--the buttons are actually pink even though they look red here.

I almost hate to give them away.

You Cannot Be Sad, Part II

2008-12-15T06:27:00.001-06:00

Sorry, can't write about this while my toes are tapping uncontrolably!

You Cannot Be Sad, Part I

2008-12-14T15:05:00.001-06:00

In order to get us through this long last week of school, complete with two days of State Testing, first home basketball of the season, writing folder compliation, one act play, completion of Christmas knitting and finals; I'll be offering a gift each day.

Things you cannot be sad while viewing

That's an awkward title, but I'm too danged happy to fix it.

We kick off with the real harbinger of Christmas in my family: Emmett Otter. My sister and I watched it as kids on HBO and the first year it came out on video, I was in college. My sister had it playing on the TV as I walked in the door from finals.

If these woodland creatures don't make you smile, you are dead and broken inside.

Forgiveness

2008-12-11T13:36:00.002-06:00

From Real Live Preacher...

Yoon Dong-yun, the only remaining member of the family killed this week when a Marine pilot crashed into a San Diego home doesn't plan to sue, he's forgiven the pilot. He prays for him, in fact, that he won't suffer mental anguish from the tragedy. Read more here.

I won't even cheapen this with commentary.

Music To Test By (Pretend It's Postdated To Tuesday)

2008-12-11T08:27:00.001-06:00

This song drops my blood pressure every time I hear it. I've soopa favorite-ed it on Pandora and it's on every playlist I have right now. One cannot be sad whilst listening to this song and it played in my head a bit during testing.

Lyrics by Woody Guthrie, Okie and Bad Ass. Kim, make note.

I Am The State

2008-12-10T19:57:00.005-06:00

So we're one-third through testing now. The writing test is done and we've two glorious days of multiple choice before we call it a semester.

I wanted to post some music in homage to the season, kind of like I did last year, but I was dog tired and it never really occurred to me that day that I even have a blog (sorry, I think of you sometimes but dang, I couldn't even get to the bathroom). If I think about it tonight, I'll throw up some music and you can pretend it's postdated.

Mostly, our kids have a good attitude about testing. They want to do well but don't stress too much about it. I have, however, one group of kids that seems to be the perfect storm for silliness. They don't mean to talk all the time, but they must be constantly occupied or they will grab each other and make fart noises, they just can't help it.

So anything I tell the kids to do is followed by a threat of the State.

"If you speak at all before everyone has finished the test, I have to report exactly what you said to The State"

(Thankfully, this one didn't backfire on me, I can imagine what some kids would say to "The State")

"If your cell phone goes off during the test, I have to report it to The State and everyone's test will be invalid. You'll all have to retake it."

"I have to report to The State anyone who finishes their essay within half an hour. They suspect that you haven't tried if you do it too quickly."

It all really worked. The threat of The State was enough to get everyone working and behaving. I like to imagine that my kids all pictured this guy behind a desk, waiting to catch them in wrongdoing...

...except he probably wears a tie to work. Since he doesn't have a neck, he sort of jauntily hangs it off the panhandle.

Not Sure, But I Bet It's Dirty

2008-12-10T18:25:00.001-06:00

Real question today:

"Miss, what's a biological narrative?"

My Racist Friend, Part II

2008-12-05T10:26:00.001-06:00

So this morning, this lady told me that her jokes weren't so bad.

Because a Jewish kid told them to her daughter.

7 Posts About The Same Thing

2008-12-04T17:50:00.004-06:00

I've been tagged by Hudd at Adventures In Teaching and she's asked me to write seven random facts about myself. Clearly, she's either an eternal optimist or isn't aware that I am somehow the worst tag-ee ever to blog. I'm flattered, though, I just can't seem to come up with anything to write about except selling school t shirts or State testing. Seriously, too close to the end of the semester. I am bleary eyed and nasty.

Instead, in her honor, I will start a whole new meme! I'll call it...

Seven Posts On The Same Topic

Find old entries on your blog that center around the same topic and give us the links to them. We'll get to know your back catalog and your hits will shoot up (even if it's false inflation and only for a short time).

My topic, appropos of the season, is State Testing!!!

Because my school is on a block schedule, we have testing in both the Fall and the Spring. You'll see entries from both times of year.

My very first English class (after teaching Speech/Drama for 10 years) was in 2004. I gave my very first End Of Instruction exam and learned along with my students. Here's an account of that time. I still often wish I could tell people I "got the finga" for them.

December of 2005 was full of all sorts of testing comedy. I had funny kids, I suppose that contributed to the situation. It was also at the height of our testing incentive efforts (we've since scaled back). The zillion year old monitor I had for the multiple choice test was worth two entries. I also shared some of the keys to my testing success.

That's four, and it only covers two testing season! Knit yourself a hat and hang onto it, there's more!

The next testing season was a hard one. We were forced to jump through new hoops to prove to district administration that we were doing our jobs. We did all kinds of review with these kids. It was at the end of this most madcap of all testing seasons that my dad went into the hospital and passed away two months later. Reading these entries were like reading the last words of the person I used to be.

Someone at Admin read a book again and that year they decided that students should test in their classrooms--except for when they can't. It was awesome. At the end, I was able to reflect on the whole time and hatched a profound thought that I chew on to this day.

My trip down memory lane of testing ends with last December. For the record, I still laugh at these teachers who just got State Exams. Their fresh panic makes me look so very Zen.

So now, it's time to tag. Since I am starting the meme, I am for once going to tag some folks.

Let's start with Hudd, since she helped me to this idea in the first place.
and we'll add to the list
Ms Cornelius
Mister Teacher
Jim
The Crib Chick

As always, consider yourself tagged if this interests you and if any of you try this, drop a comment.

Bosom of Family

2008-11-25T06:14:00.003-06:00

My dad's hometown is a nine hour drive from here. We used to leave after dad would get off work and all of us would sleep while dad would drive. I can remember waking up on those trips and hearing dad sing along with Harry Chapin to stay awake. This is classic car trip music in my world.

We leave tonight for Grandma's house where we'll holiday with eighteen of our family members. I didn't realize until Sunday that Wednesday would be the 20th anniversary of my Grandpa's death. I'm glad we'll get to be there. In my memory, losing Grandpa was the first death that affected me.

I'll miss hearing Harry Chapin in the middle of the night and I'll miss Grandpa meeting us at the door with some silly 3am joke. But I'm blessed beyond belief to have these memories.

Happy Thanksgiving

Overheard

2008-11-21T21:39:00.003-06:00

So today, a young lady in the back of my room had a full volume discussion with her friend about the anxiety surrounding the results of her most recent pap smear.

You're wondering? She's fifteen.

The young men at the front of the room were discreet enough to simply put their heads down to laugh (or to HIDE THEIR HEADS AND WEEP) as the young ladies speculated as to what sort of abnormalities the doctor might find.

All I could think of is that if I get a choice, I'm hoping she has syphillis because if she does, there's a chance that that last brief bout of severe genius might come at the same time as her End Of Instruction test. Seriously, because that would be some kind of writing score!

So When You Say Senior Assembly, You Probably Don't Mean This...

2008-11-15T16:48:00.001-06:00

It's Coming!!!

2008-11-13T18:12:00.002-06:00

Start thinking now how you'll spend the International Year of Natural Fibres! I rang it in early by knitting with way more wool this holiday (all the better to felt you with, my dear) and by ordering our ultra cool spirit club shirts in 100% ringspun cotton.

What Did You Learn In School Today?

2008-11-13T15:07:00.002-06:00

Just so you know what we learned in school today, this work of art is from a young lady who finished our 65 question district benchmark test in a half hour.

"Ok, are you sure you did your best?"
"Uhh...Yeah."

So then she drew unicorn on her computer.

Please don't think less of me.

Back For A Visit

2008-11-12T21:20:00.002-06:00

I stumbled over what to title this post and almost called it "The Cool Popular Girls Come Back", but then I remember that these are the girls who did The Safety Dance in a pep assembly. Laverne and Shirley (holy crap, they're really like Laverne and Shirley!) revelled in their quirky, geeky, weirdness. It paid off for them, both were elected Miss Student Body in their respective Senior years (they mourned aloud to my third hour today, "This is killer, but no one past High School cares. It's true. How awkward was it to find THAT out!?").

I love them. I love their sarcasm and weirdness and I love that at nearly 25 years old, they come visit their HS teachers once a year.

So when they come, they only visit three teachers and I'm proud to say I'm one of them. They liked to give a sort of "Stay in school, say nope to dope" talk to my class and their observation of kid-in-the-back-who-just-isn't-gonna-learn was both astute and hilarious (for the record, he was totally out of earshot).

"Oh this is learning!! Look at that one, he's resting his head so that his brain is RIGHT BY the work!! It's like he has a port for knowledege."

Thanks, ladies, seriously. Come back anytime.

This Is Where The Party Ends

2008-11-11T21:11:00.002-06:00

So let's say your'e at a gathering of co-workers on a Saturday night.

And let's say that one party-goer is a woman who hasn't attended a social event with you in forever.

And let's say that at said party, said party-goer thinks it's a fab idea to tell Anti-Semetic jokes.

Three of them.

And she's totally undeterred by the uncomfortable statements everyone makes between the jokes ("Um, wow, I think I'm a bit too close to teaching Night to hear this..."), in fact noticing how awkward the situation is and then continuing with the jokes.

How would you handle this situation? Create a diversion to draw attention from the bigoted jokester? Skip the passive aggressive and go right to aggressive with her? Whatcha gonna do? Spit in her eye?

Seriously, I'm fascinated. Share away.

Pondering...

2008-11-09T15:29:00.002-06:00

If a kid you had in class sacks your groceries, why does he call you ma'am then despite the fact that he never calls you ma'am in class?

Love And Mercy

2008-11-09T13:28:00.003-06:00

Somehow, through a complicated series of events, I've been put in charge of my school's Senior Assembly (the same event that inspired this). I'm more excited than overwhelmed--I haven't directed anything in ten years!

One of my plans is to gently suggest a few songs that vary from the standard graducation fare. This is one of the songs I plan to introduce. Aside from my introduction to the song (on the closing night of National Institute for Teaching Shakespeare, thoughts of grief for life without my dad echoing around in my head), I've recently become fascinated with Brian Wilson. Despite writing all these feel-good, sun and surf songs, his battle with mental illness forced him to hide from the world for some time. I love to listen to his music through this lens, it takes incredible optimism to wish for this world while knowing so personally of its dark opposite.

That's a wish I have for my students. The dark world will rear its ugly head at them sooner or later, and the optimism you find at the end of the darkness is so much sweeter.

What songs would you use for an assembly like this? Upbeat or slow, I'm collecting ideas.

New Comment For Report Cards

2008-11-07T14:28:00.001-06:00

"Student is the reason my doctor prescribed Xanax"

The Creepiest Part of The Whole Night

2008-11-04T23:34:00.001-06:00

Will I Am via hologram? Dang. Can I hologram myself to Anderson Cooper too?

Because You Can't Watch Election Returns All Night Without Looking Away

2008-11-04T21:08:00.001-06:00

Carry This With You Today

2008-11-04T08:20:00.002-06:00

You haven't felt like a citizen until you've had a teenager look you in the eye and ask you to promise you'll vote today. It's happened to me every election since I've been a teacher and it makes me proud of these students and proud to do my duty.

Someone is counting on you to vote today.

Baby's First Election

2008-11-03T20:46:00.004-06:00

For years, I've wished my students could be excited for their first election. I've wished that they could vote for someone whose vision for this country could inspire them.

They make me remember my first election.

A group of us had restarted Young Democrats on our small Baptist campus. We generated quite a ruckus. There were shouting matches and signs defaced and all sorts of ugliness (if I were being fair, I suppose the ugliness came from both sides), but on election night, we were so excited.

I remember standing in line to vote about three people behind Brad and Kim Henry (now the Governor and First Lady of Oklahoma) and being in a huge rush to finish so I could get ready for the Young Dems election night party.

Our faculty advisor made a huge pot of spaghetti and as social chair, I planned the party activites. We had US maps to color the electoral college votes and I made party games like "Pin The Blame on The Oval Office" (Blindfold up and take a slip of paper with a Regan/Bush era failure, pin it on our picture of the White House!) or "Dan Quayle Foot In The Mouth" (rolled up sock with a Quayle-ism, aim and throw it into the cardboard box with an open mouth Dan Quayle on it!). It was quite a party, and Dr. Sanders' two preschool daughters played the games with as much vigor as we did.

When the returns came in and a winner was declared (because back then, children, we knew early in the evening), we got in our cars and hurtled toward OKC to the State Dem Party Victory shindig. We almost missed the party we were so late, but the DJ was still playing and we were giddy. When he cranked up "Don't Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)", we all took the floor like madfolk and noticed a lone, elderly gentleman, weeping, head in hands.

"Sir! Come dance with us!! Aren't you happy?!"

"I am happy. I've been waiting twelve damn years for this night."

Ahhh...youth.

Maybe My Strangest Craft Project To Date

2008-11-02T20:27:00.002-06:00

This is Morty. I made him in observation of Dia De los Muertos. I've liked the idea of the holiday since Dad died, and when the directions for him came in my email, it just seemed right. Please note that Morty is only the prototype and future yarn and paper clip skeletons will be far more attractive and neat.

If you want to show me up, you can get the directions here.

2008-11-02T01:54:00.000-05:00

High School Tony Awards Honor Nation's Biggest Drama Club Nerds

Ahhhhh....

2008-11-01T12:42:00.001-05:00

Are you ever pleasantly shocked to find that someone you like also likes something you like? Could I say "like" one more time? When I was listening to Cast On (knitting podcast) this morning and heard this song, it was that kind of squealy girl moment.

The Crib Chick introduced me to Lone Justice in High School, but this song takes me back to college where we danced to this song on our walkmans while camped out for Wind In The Willows tickets in London at the Royal National Theatre.

Like A Love Poem, But With Far Less Poetry

2008-10-30T20:27:00.003-05:00

You know I love The Crib Chick. I've never hidden it. Tonight, I loved her more. I was at the suburban grocery store picking up processed sugary candy to throw at tomorrow night's football game (Maybe not suckers, you think? Because I totally have this vision of this kid with a stick in his eye and the business end of a Tootsie Pop sticking out, staggering to the ground, yelling for our team...) and she's driving her organic produce home to her rural paradise.

And who's the Liberal here? Who is Conservative?

That's right. I'm an Educat and she's a Crunch-servative. We're like Hall and Oates, this one and I. But we're agreeable enough that we can sing "White Devil Be Craaaa-zy!" or "Solid As Barack" to each other (If you're not down with this, go back and watch the video. You're just not paying attention.). Sure, her teenage daughter might roll her eyes and giggle and my fellow shoppers might arch an eyebrow, but this is love, kid.

And it's SOLID! SOLID AS...

Well, it's solid.

Remember The Last Time This Happened?

2008-10-29T19:19:00.004-05:00

Can you see? It's $1.98 gas! I remember when I used to pay less than a dollar for gas. It was in my adult life, even.

The last time it happened, by the way, is here.

So to all my other kinds of nerd, you can add "gas price nerd".

NaBloPoMo

2008-10-29T11:34:00.001-05:00

Should I? I totally might, but it means you might just see pics of knitting projects and hear me whine about grading.

Things I Cannot Do While Our Hot Water Heater Is Leaking And Therefore Unusable

2008-10-26T12:09:00.003-05:00

1. Take a hot shower.

2. Felt the Christmas trees I've been knitting all week

Here's a pic of someone else's. Someone who had hot water.

3. Properly wash oatmeal residue from bowls without much scrubbing. Have I ever told you about how my dad used to tell us that the pyramids were actually made from dry, leftover oatmeal? He'd say that while scrubbing said oatmeal and so the declaration was punctuated with his scrubbing. "Girls...the pyramids are made of the stuff that dries in your oatmeal bowls!"

4. Did I say take a hot shower? Because I'm saying it again.

defies title

2008-10-22T14:32:00.000-05:00

We've started reading Night and have watched parts of a documentary showing Elie Wiesel visiting his old village and then traveling to Auschwitz.

I'm starting class.

"What have we seen so far?"

"Wiesel goin home"

"Right, he went to Sighet and then traveled to where?"

"Ass-wash"

No one laughed. They all believed it. We have work to do.

Sub-Normal Social Awareness

2008-10-21T20:47:00.003-05:00

It's seemed to be the day of the annoying sub for me. I'm pretty sure the annoying albino one came on to me today during my plan.

"You have such an incredible sense of grammar. What one book was most influential in your ability to teach grammar so well?"

Now, if I were an lesbian with an albino fetish (and there's nothing wrong with anyone who does, I'm just not one of them), she still wouldn't turn my head because somehow she managed to ask me this while I was RUNNING into the workroom to pee (last chance for two hours!!) and fill my water bottle. Not smoove.

The other one (I have no identifying name for her...yet) was sitting on the sofa with a book while I was having a meltdown (left my class in the room, trying to "wake up" a computer whose monitor has died [I was not yet aware of this] so that the district tech could remote into the machine so he could help connect our super great assessment program that WON'T WORK. I really almost cried this morning...) and she somehow thought it was the right time to ask if I ever sensed that the students choose to play down their intelligence for social reasons. Does today's popular High School student want to appear smart?

You know what, Margaret Mead? I. Don't. Care. About. That.

Shut Up, I've Earned This

2008-10-13T19:38:00.003-05:00

End of the Nine Weeks+Mojito=Fun for you, the at home reader!

No one believes grades are real until the end of the quarter. No one understood their outside reading assignments (despite our bi-monthly library trips and repeated explanation with handout) until the end of the quarter. No one!!! How DARE I!?!??! And it's worth pointing out that a SENIOR who is somehow taking Sophomore English wanted me to take seriously her reading of "High School Musical, The Junior Novel", and allow me to count it for ten percent of her grade.

Chortle.

I spent a better part of the day logged in to our new assessment system (Have you experienced these things? You upload your exam, they print a scantron for the test, and you send those in via scanner and get kick-ass data? I'm in lurv.) and at the end of this long, wretched, day, I realize that I've been ignoring the question of my new assessment system...

What Would You Like To Do Today?

Now, none of the options were really honest for me. I wonder if perhaps I could get a button on the site that said "Leave now and go home to knit" or perhaps, "Tell the children exactly what I'm thinking" or best of all, "Feed children to the wolverines".

Their options were just ridiculous. "Manage classes". Yeah, manage my butt. You get over here and manage these bitter nasty children with a button.

It's all messed with my head to the point that when describing the free gift from the local "take and bake" pizza place, I could only think of "Father Murphy" instead of "Papa Murphy", so I keep think of Merlin Olson bringing a pizza with a tickle me bouquet.

Did I mention that I'm out Thursday and Friday? Ha!!

2008-10-10T09:35:00.000-05:00

Let's all just make peace. If Hall and Oates can do it, the world can live at peace.

Dad Wakes Up Early

2008-10-08T06:15:00.001-05:00

I've been awake very early this week, no idea why. Monday when I woke, I found myself putting on music. All I wanted to hear, it seemed, was Dad music. I listened to The Carter Family and Levon Helm and The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band and I can't explain the feeling it gave me. Crazy as this sounds, I got up for the day feeling like I'd spent half and hour with my dad. It didn't make me sad, I only cry as I remember it (like now, a little bit), and I felt rested.

2008-10-06T18:11:00.000-05:00

Yarn In The News

2008-10-05T12:20:00.002-05:00

I fear that this might be exactly the sort of cranky I will be when I grow old.

Criminal
gran gets knitting punishment
Tuesday, September 30 2008, 20:08 BST
By Daniel Kilkelly , Entertainment Reporter

An 89-year-old grandmother who went on a tyre-wrecking spree in her street
has been ordered to knit jumpers for her victims.

Heidi Kohl, from western Germany, was arrested after one neighbour spotted
her slashing the tyres on a car. She later confessed that she had resorted to
drastic measures after becoming "fed up" with so many drivers parking in her
neighbourhood.

Kohl was initially told that she would be fined for her behaviour, but
authorities came up with the more unusual punishment after the woman claimed she
would be unable to pay.

A spokeswoman confirmed: "When she's knitted the sweaters, then the matter
will be over for us."Kohl is believed to have wrecked 50 tyres in total.
Prosecutors have said that she will not offend again as she has since been moved
to a retirement home.

I can see my temper flare up in this dangerous sort of way. I'd be living alone, no classroom to give me perspective and practice at patience, and then I'd snap and go on a slashing spree.

This leads me to wonder, however, about the punishment. Was she forced to knit with scratchy acrylic on metal needles? Do the victims get a say in the design of the sweaters? Sad the we'll never see the woolen end to the story.

Pardon Me

2008-10-01T17:08:00.001-05:00

This is my life's true ambition. Forget teaching, I never really graded all that crap. I want to tease my hair up high and travel the land, knitting and bringing this song to the masses.

And are you aware that the second Mason Dixon Knitting book is out? And that they are truly the most engaging knitting prose ever to be written? It is because of them that I plan to start Fair Isle knitting as soon as these essays are graded.

If you don't knit, they'll make you want to.

You may post in comments your intention to serve as my roadies, band members or whatnot when my tour hits the road. Just me, the music, the yarn, and a dream...

"We Go To The Fair To Relax" Part II

2008-09-30T17:20:00.003-05:00

Go. And you really should vote.

Now, I voted for the pregnant smoker at the ferris wheel, but that "Crack and Funnel Cake" shot is just sad, y'all. It just totally ruins one of nature's most perfect fried foods. I've seen the funnel cake roam free in its natural habitat and it just should not be near such ugliness.

It's Monday, You Need This

2008-09-29T19:32:00.003-05:00

If you must go to work early on a Monday morning, you should at least have a friend who sends you a link like this. I had the address all day long and didn't touch it at school for fear that I'd never work again.

So now, I offer you, MORE COWBELL!

Exhibit A: John Denver's "Annie's Song", 74% Cowbell, 100% Walken


	Make your own at MoreCowbell.dj

Exhibit B: Woody Guthrie's "I Ain't Got No Home", 87% Cowbell, 28% Walken


	Make your own at MoreCowbell.dj

Exhibit C: ...and lastly, as if you didn't question my music collection enough, I give you (ahem...)

The Theme From The Jeffersons, 25% Cowbell, 46% Walken


	Make your own at MoreCowbell.dj

Please share your own creations. Leave a link, if you will, so we can all enjoy.

Perhaps The Most Obvious News I've Seen All Day

2008-09-24T08:25:00.002-05:00

I read this article blearly eyed with coffee, thankful for first period plan time.

Many teachers don't get enough sleep.

Dear Teacher Magazine,

Those essays don't grade themselves.

xoxo--

Educat

2008-09-23T15:41:00.000-05:00

54 seconds

Um...thanks, Chitarita

Guess It Does Hath Charms

2008-09-23T15:25:00.001-05:00

Who would have ever thought that my fourth block would beg to listen to Mozart every time they work on something?

Teacher's Dillemma

2008-09-19T15:12:00.001-05:00

I should not have to choose whether I will pee or eat lunch during my lunch break!!!

One, Two, Researchers, Four, Five

2008-09-18T17:04:00.003-05:00

We're reading an informational text today, identifying the ways the author supports his claims.

"Ok, so we can see the author uses facts. Are there any statistics?"

and I get a look like this

"Are there any statistics? Are there any numbers used to make a point?"

and a young woman who, I swear, could be the long lost sister of Princess Grace (...and my is that a flashback to the golden era of blogging) piped in.

"Uuuh, yeah. It saw hur that researchers say."

"Ok, what do they say?"

"It don matter, issa statistic!"

"So where's the number?"

"Researchers!"

"Is that a number? Can you count to researchers?"

"Uuuuuuggggghhhh Ms Educat! Iss more than one, issa numba!"

Something tells me this group isn't going to win the knitted hat challenge.

How To Love A Knitter

2008-09-17T22:07:00.002-05:00

I've been knitting in public quite a bit lately. It's just felt right. I can lead a class discussion or read aloud or whatever while doing a mindless 2x2 rib on a beanie. I can even hang a bag on my wrist and walk up and down the aisles of my room. I'm presently driven by the joy I'm getting from seeing a kid wear my hats at football games. I've even tried one with earflaps, and it worked! It's adorable!

The joy and zen I get from knitting, however, is wearing thin, and it's becoming awkward.

Please, my non knitting friends, when you see someone knitting, please refrain from asking if the knitter will make you something. It's only going to make things difficult. See, if I tell you yes, I have to tell everyone yes (because despite what you might think about our relationship, you're awesome but not special). If I have to knit for zillions of people, it's not fun anymore.

You can't pay me, either. Because, really, you'd feel gipped. The earflap hat took me about eight hours to knit. It's one of the quickest I've ever done. Now, how much is my time worth? Because I don't have much of it. If I even charge you $5 an hour (I made more than that for selling lotion and I'm a better knitter than I was a salesperson), you're paying $40 in labor. So really, $40 for a beanie?

Don't ask your friend who knits, please. If you stay quiet and respectful, maybe your knitting friend will appreciate your closed piehole enough to knit you something.

ps--I've dealt with this in my classes by telling my students that if 100% of them passed their State test, I'd knit each of them a cap. Let me know if you're interested in helping me make good on this promise. I'm not above help...

...just to relax

2008-09-09T19:34:00.001-05:00

So the custodian on my hall stopped me to find out if I would be going to the State Fair.

Hadn't even thought about it.

I get an itch to go every five years or so. I love a good funnel cake and the pig races are not to be missed, but only twice a decade, please.

So I told my co-worker that I probably wouldn't make it out this year since school is so busy.

"Well, I take my wife there every year. Just to relax."

Check out the relaxing lines last year at the cinnamon roll stand...

Brilliante!

2008-09-06T16:46:00.002-05:00

Thanks, Edna Lee, for calling me Brilliante! I'm pretty sure I had a student by that name once. So very many more worthy blogs have already been declared Brilliante that I can hardly pass it on. Besides, you knew how I was about tagging before you made your decision, right?

Thank you.

The Sort Of Thing I Never Thought I'd Say

2008-09-06T11:56:00.004-05:00

Dear Spirit Club Children,

Last night, some of your friends stayed home. They didn't wear school colors and go to anyone's football game. They sat in the cafeteria during the pep assembly and they bragged in their classes how "they were gonna laugh when y'all lose".

They don't see themselves as part of the group who lost last night so they're not. As a result, they weren't hurt. They didn't have to face the wealthy school from up the road with the great big band and the great big boys playing football. They weren't embarassed at all. They lost nothing.

You know what else they didn't get? They didn't laugh at the picnic tables in front of the drive in. They didn't laugh at the prank with the other team's mascot that they almost pulled on me. They didn't fall down laughing after running the flags, they didn't paint up their faces and the college kids who came back to watch the game didn't thank them for starting so many traditions.

But those kids who sat at home didn't lose a thing, either.

Let's do this again next week.

xoxo
Ms Educat

Tales From The Bureaucracy

2008-09-02T20:35:00.002-05:00

This is a tale of something that should I thought was a fight. It shouldn't have been a fight, but it somehow was. So I started to treat it like a fight only to find that my opponent wasn't going to fight.

So now that you're good and confused...

Last week's epic battle that nearly got me a class of Freshmen is over. For now, at least. It looks like I won't be teaching repeaters at all. I'd like to pretend that they were surprised when the Sophomore teachers called their administrative bluff but it was really far less heroic. Counselors and Administrators quickly scrambled to prove that the problem wasn't a problem ("Look! This kid is in credit recovery now! And this one only needs one quarter!!") and we ended up with the same sort of look you use when you didn't quite catch a kid doing something wrong but you were pretty sure he did something. You know? Like "Aaaalll right, you'll get by THIS TIME, but next time I catch you..." and one eyebrow is raised and one finger extended? Head all tilted? Till they look away??? "There." you think, "I fixed them."

And so everyone leaves the hubbub thinking that we've taught the other a lesson and in reality we're no better off than before.

I love my job and I love my school more. I've been there ten years and have seen parents finagle to get their kids in my classes. I teach alongside my former students now and probably bleed my school colors. If I start to hate it here, though, it will be over something like this. If I leave teaching, it will be over something like this.

The Nail That Sticks Up Gets Hammered Down

2008-08-27T18:34:00.002-05:00

The English II team had one wish going into this year. We dreamed a dream that all the students in our English II classes would have passed English I. We dared to share the dream with our Counseling Office and since no one told us it wouldn't happen, we assumed that our dream might come true.

...and you know what they say about those who assume.

I decided to speak up in the interest of our team and our students. In my three classes, I have ten students who haven't passed English I. The other two teachers have thirteen and eight. So I emailed. I was the one who spoke up in the interest of our team and my students and asked what should be done. I thought that perhaps I'd get an apology for the short-sightedness. I thought that perhaps I'd get an explanation as to why the only sections of repeater English all happen in the Spring. What I didn't think I'd get was a swift answer from the counselor.

"I've talked with Ms. Principal-in-charge-of-curriculum about this, and we've decided that we'll fix this. You will have an English I repeater class last period."

Hi. I'm the nail that sticks up. Don't suppose you have any ideas for repeater English I, huh?

Because Everyone Is Good At Something

2008-08-26T12:37:00.000-05:00

I just had a parent sheet returned (late) where the mother (in different adult like handwriting) informed me that her son could "crunk dance like nun otha".

Not.
Even.
Joking.

No Day Can End Badly

2008-08-15T23:21:00.001-05:00

...when it begins with hearing this song. Thank you, XM for your yummy morning programming. You set me up for a happy morning.

And God bless you, John Prine.

Really? Money??? Huh...

2008-08-10T11:03:00.000-05:00

You Are a Dash

Your life is fast paced and varied. You are realistic, down to earth, and very honest.

You're often busy doing something interesting, and what you do changes quickly.

You have many facets to your personality, and you connect them together well.

You have a ton of interests. While some of them are a bit offbeat, they all tie together well.

You friends rely on you to bring novelty and excitement to their lives.

(And while you're the most interesting person they know, they can't help feeling like they don't know you well.)

You excel in: Anything to do with money

You get along best with: the Exclamation Point

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

Mourning Turning Lightly To Excitement

2008-08-09T07:49:00.002-05:00

So the custodians dismantled my room and left not one stone atop another. This means that rather than lying abed and watching "Bridget Jones' Diary" for the babillionth time, I'm getting up on a Saturday and getting myself to schoo.

...and I'm sort of excited about it.

The Very Sort Of Conversation One Has On The Last Night Of Summer Vacation

2008-08-06T22:20:00.003-05:00

The Crib Chick is speaking of treating some sort of malaise with vodka and cranberry juice.

Me: "That's medicinal, you know. Cranberry juice is...well...cranberry juice, and vodka is made from potatoes!"

CC: "So it's like a vegetable!"

Me:"Yes, the worst possible vegetable, though. Sort of like alcohol made of HoHo's--OHMYGOSH WOULDN'T THAT BE AWESOME!"

Goodbye, summer. What with the moving and bazillions of renovations and such, I hardly knew you this time. I should have loved you more, now you're gone.

An Open Letter To The New Counselor Who Told Me That I Might Just Have Thirty-Eight Students In My English Class And I Should Deal With It

2008-08-06T17:28:00.005-05:00

Hello.

Welcome to the profession and welcome to our school.

You've been charged with the task of checking schedules for our students and I'd like to thank you for that work. Long, long, ago in May, someone went to our big fancy scheduling program and pushed a big red button. That button was to have put every child in academically appropriate and challenging courses taught by loving teachers who would mentor these children to success.

As with everything, it didn't always work. Schedules are all higgeldy-piggeldy and someone must go through to make sure that children don't have four Gym classes or no History. I'm very sorry, but that unfortunate duty falls on you.

Again, welcome.

It's fine that you gleefully announced that you were all the way through the I's in the alphabet and it's fine that we found legions and legions of errors before we even reached the letter D. It wouldn't even matter at all (ok, it would matter, but it would be a problem we'd work through together) if you hadn't said what you did. Another teacher noticed to you that I had 38 students in one class and your response was,

"Ms. Educat might just have do deal with 38 students in one class".

And so, new counselor, a choice presents itself to you. Choose carefully, for the road you take at this juncture will define your first year if not your entire time with us here.

You must choose to be either mean or incompetent. You cannot be both.

I'd advise you mull over your options here. If you choose to be mean, it will mean you must be smart. If your job is done to its utmost, I can handle your bitchiness. I would even respect it, because your work will be done and I won't have to speak to you.

Should you choose to be stupid, I can respect that choice as well. Many others have made this choice and if you'll watch the most successful among them, you'll notice that they're kind souls. We smirk sympathetically when we speak of them and shake our heads with a "bless her heart". We help those dumb people. We even love them.

Dumb bitches do not make friends at work. They don't get much respect either. Please be aware that if you choose this option, you will become an object of contempt to many of your co-workers.

The choice, then, is yours. Thank you in advance for allowing this unsolicited advice: Be mean, be dumb. Just be aware that you cannot be both.

Love, kisses, and best wishes for the best school year ever,

Ms Educat

Home Improvement, Oklahoma Style

2008-07-15T23:17:00.002-05:00

Is it only here that all home improvement advice begins with the words, "Yaounta getcha some..."?

Stain streaking on the benches I'm painting?
"Yaounta getcha a rag and just wipe it on real light."

Did you discover the bathroom you're painting is actually paint over peeling wallpaper which leaves a smooth bare wall exposed?
"Yaounta getcha some joint compound..."

I'm beginning to think this has the makings of a great Q&A situation. All answers will begin with "Yaounta getcha..."

No. Freaking. Way.

2008-06-26T22:50:00.000-05:00

Seriously, it's a real school.

For Father's Day, A Bit Early

2008-06-12T23:46:00.002-05:00

Grief Calls Us to the Things of This World

by Sherman Alexie

The morning air is all awash with angels . . .
- Richard Wilbur

The eyes open to a blue telephone
In the bathroom of this five-star hotel.
I wonder whom I should call? A plumber,
Proctologist, urologist, or priest?
Who is most among us and most deserves
The first call? I choose my father because
He's astounded by bathroom telephones.
I dial home. My mother answers. "Hey, Ma,
I say, "Can I talk to Poppa?" She gasps,
And then I remember that my father
Has been dead for nearly a year. "Shit, Mom,"
I say. "I forgot he’s dead. I’m sorry—
How did I forget?" "It’s okay," she says.
"I made him a cup of instant coffee
This morning and left it on the table—
Like I have for, what, twenty-seven years—
And I didn't realize my mistake
Until this afternoon." My mother laughs
At the angels who wait for us to pause
During the most ordinary of days
And sing our praise to forgetfulness
Before they slap our souls with their cold wings.
Those angels burden and unbalance us.
Those fucking angels ride us piggyback.
Those angels, forever falling, snare us
And haul us, prey and praying, into dust.

Reprinted from Thrash, © 2007 by Sherman Alexie

Late Night Musings Whilst Packing

2008-06-01T00:40:00.001-05:00

Does anyone else ever see this show on the TV guide and have this strange picture of a library full of books chattering about something? They're all arguing hot and heavy and out of nowhere, one book (let's make him the Dictionary) speaks up.

"Hey everyone, let's quiet down! Let The Bible Speak!"

And then he does some grand sweeping gesture with his short Dictionary arm as if to indicate that the Bible has the floor?

Anyone ever think that?

Yeah, me neither. That'd be pretty stupid...

Gotta Make A Move To A Town That's Right For Me

2008-05-30T23:34:00.001-05:00

I looked and looked for a version of "Oh Bright New Day" from Blood Brothers to post here (Thank me later, internets. All the versions I found on YouTube were bad renditions from HS productions.) because in a week, I'll be living somewhere else!

Right now is the endless, awful packing. Nothing kills the buzz of the first days of summer better than putting everything you own in boxes so you can put all that stuff somewhere else. I'm gaining a lot in this move; the house is about 6 miles from my school as opposed to the 15 I've been driving, it's a house, and I'll save zillions of dollars by moving in with my sister. I'm leaving the place that made me feel so grown up right out of college, the same place that later suffocated me with its smallness and bad memories.

How strange to leave it all.

So what's some music to move by? I'd also contemplated "Funkytown" if only for the refrain "Gotta move on".

The Very Sort Of Thing That Makes Us Count The Days Til Summer

2008-05-13T19:43:00.002-05:00

Limited English Student Writes Line by Line Interp of Julius Caesar

"I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him."

becomes...

"We are here to buy the food, not to play."

Is this child wiser than I realize or do I have the hardest work imaginable?

Where I Unload About Cell Phones

2008-05-13T19:30:00.002-05:00

With May, comes a new level of impatience for teachers. I've reached a sort of Zen this week. Whereas last week, I was ready to snap at anything and everyone in my way (I found myself asking friends, "Is this something I should choose to be angry about?"), this week I know I am stressed and nasty and treat all of my actions and reactions to a filter.

All except my reactions to cell phones.

Now, the policy at my school is that they aren't to be out. The first time a teacher sees a phone, he/she takes it and returns it at the end of class. The second time, we're to give it to the Principal's Secretary who holds it til the end of the day. If you're thinking that the secretary shouldn't be the one to handle this, you don't know ours. This woman can live a long and happy life without students liking her. She doesn't care a bit and takes no crap. I love her, and my life's goal is to live forever on her good side.

Now, how many times have you tried to take a child's phone only to have them respond, "You can't take my phone!! This is my mamma!!"? You've learned to handle this, haven't you? I take it anyway, encouraging the child to make mamma aware of the cell phone policy.

Are you ready for the next wave, though? How are you going to handle it when you attempt to take a child's phone only to have them scream that their text message is from the Pope?

How I wish he'd just gotten a MySpace.

I'm So It

2008-05-13T19:08:00.002-05:00

I've been tagged by Streak. Read on, something here might entertain you.

The rules are:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about himself or herself.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, lettingthem know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

Ten years ago, I was . . .

Finishing the worst teaching year of my life. I'd been transferred because of low numbers in the Theatre program to another school three weeks into the new year (It was the week after Princess Diana died, don't know why I remember that...). My new school gave me drama classes made up of the kids that the gym teacher couldn't handle along with an hour of lunch duty. My depression first surfaced and I was the worst teacher I'd ever been. My principal lied to get rid of me, which depressed me more, which made me worse at my job...I think ten years ago this very week, I started hunting for a new job to leave my old district.

About five years after that, the Asst Principal who worked hard to help me get the transfer was all over the news. He was arrested for lewd conduct with a student and had done this with several young ladies over the years. One of them, I discovered, was a student I had in class. That particular encounter was swept under the rug by the Head Principal (the one who lied to get rid of me). He was demoted for his part in the cover up.

5 Things on Today’s “To Do” List

1. Email parents of children who are still working to finish credit recovery English. Remain civil and when they ask ME when little Jimmy will finish the class and can he bring a paper to me at graduation, refrain from recommending a more potent form of birth control to these parents.
2. Grade Grammar
3. Attend Baby Shower
4. Post this to blog, along with another funny thing that happened today.
5. Pack at least one box so I can move! I'm moving!!!

3 Bad Habits:

1. Procrastination--avoid all that packing. Because I'm moving!! Did I mention that?!?
2. Sending emails without counting to ten first. Some of mine have been pretty snarky lately
3. Unfinished Knitting Projects

5 Places I’ve Lived (this will really make me sound like a loser):

South OKC
Shawnee, OK
Irving, TX
Del City, OK
even if it was only for a month, I'm mentioning
Northampton, MA
because my others are kind of lame.

5 Jobs I’ve Held:

1. Country Club Waitress (where I waited on OK Governor Brad Henry when he was just some local attorney)
2. Bath and Body Line Jester (I did many jobs there, but this was my favorite)
3. Museum Educator
4. Shoe/Boot salesperson (yes, I can fit you in a cowboy boot and have an intelligent conversation on heel slippage)
5. HS Teacher

I hate tagging. I've said it before. Was I supposed to pass world peace by keeping this going?

I Never Knew Love Like This

2008-05-07T19:42:00.002-05:00

Over the years, readers of this blog have kindly sympathized with my single status. They've been kind, but made known their wish for me: that love would find me. I've even had people read this blog and assume that they are there to fill whatever emptiness my heart has known.

My response to them has always been the same: Thank you. That's very kind, but I'm very well and satisfied with my status right now. I am here to tell you now that my longing is fulfilled. I did not know the shape of this emptiness until the man came to fill it and now I shall shout it from the cyber mountaintop.

Our school's new mascot costume has arrived!

Through a series of events I am unsure I could recount, I will be sponsoring a spirit organization at school next year. We'll handle the mascot, big inflatable tunnel, run with flags when our team scores, and sell big foam items (Stop it, I mean fingers and such. Wait, that's worse...nevermind). I've interviewed kids as to their willingness to paint their chests and ability to say phrases like "mascot camp" and "really pump up the spirit" with a straight face.

On the other, less human end, I've been commissioned to order a new mascot costume. I brought the right people into the decision, haggled with costume companies, and badgered them to find just the right shade of the school colors. It was a long, rugged process that added a special edge to testing season.

He's arrived. In all his rugged glory, he's here. Our mascot is a human character and carries with him the perfect combination of cartoon whimsy and rugged manliness. Just like the man of my dreams. Furthermore, I've found a quality I didn't even know I needed in a man*. When our handsome mascot arrived, all sealed in plastic, he smelled pleasantly of a fresh new permanent marker. I took a whiff and was smitten. It is as though he slipped me a roofie.

The man of my dreams is comical, rugged, and smells enough like magic marker to get me pleasantly silly.

*Please realize that my love for this man fades into total obscurity when the costume is worn by a teenager. It's just not how I roll, man.

Welcome To The...Um...Club

2008-04-28T20:19:00.002-05:00

There's nothing to humanize any celebrity more for me than the death of her father. Nevermind that Cheri Oteri is a funny woman so of course she'd instantly be my BFF, but since Crib Chick shared the story of her father's stabbing, I've imagined her just huddled up, crying and achey.

Dad went into the hospital two years ago Saturday and it began our two month descent into the hell of watching your father and husband die slowly. Hellish and horrible as it was, I've long appreciated that I had a sense of what was happening. I said goodbye, apologized for my status as a genetic dead-end, told him about every traffic ticket I ever got, sang songs with him, in short I made things right.

I wish every human could have that pre grief period.

Asking A Question

2008-04-21T21:24:00.002-05:00

...and I'm pretty sure I know the answer.

When reading Shakespeare with kids who don't know Shakespeare (read: most of them), why do they insist on using the voice of either Charlton Heston or Dame Edna?

And? It's not always the girls who use the Dame Edna voice.

Another List of Actual Things I Heard Today

2008-04-17T20:39:00.001-05:00

1. (Child watches me take deep breath of displeasure)

"Are you about to cuss me out? I mean, in teacher language?"

(and I release deep breath of displeasure in a snorting laugh.)

2. "Man! I thought I had my book but this is spray paint!"

State Testing Meets 1980's Rebellion--Part III

2008-04-16T10:50:00.001-05:00

I love XM Radio for I heard this en route to school today!!

Testing goes well with music like this in your head. Try it.

Inspiration By Proxy

2008-04-15T21:31:00.002-05:00

A teacher friend across the hall is having a hard year personally. She's a generous, loving, great teacher most of the time but she's fallen into the movie trap, teaching-wise.

Now, let's say she teaches Farsi. If the movies she showed were all in Farsi or perhaps showed Arabic culture, she'd be golden. But they're not. She's gone to all the fluffy, inspirational movies about teachers. It's a bad genre for the purpose of watching but it's worse for her purpose, inspiring schoolkids.

This isn't to say that those movies can't inspire kids, but is anyone catching the irony? Do all those inspirational teachers in movies show any movies? I like to imagine here of a movie of a teacher showing a movie of a teacher showing a movie...

Doesn't happen. I wonder if this highlights both my colleague's shortcomings and the fictional nature of these movies.

More Music To Test By

2008-04-15T17:14:00.003-05:00

I'm finding that the louder music of my mild (so mild) youthful rebellion suits my testing mood well. Today I wrote three referrals--two on the same child--and gave the writing test!!

This isn't the joyus version I knew by The Burning Sensations (part of the Repo Man Soundtrack), but it suits my mood.

Too Late For Sample Prompts

2008-04-14T21:52:00.001-05:00

Dear Fellow Oklahoma English II and III teachers--
If you've come here for "Sample Oklahoma EOI prompts" (which you somehow often do...), I hate to tell you but it's too late. The writing test is tomorrow and all you can hope is that you've covered all the organizational tricks they need. Besides, I don't have prompts here. Just Ramones.

Wishing you this sort of calm in the midst of the storm. Relax your jaw and be all Zen.

With an annual 6% increase of luv--
educat

Dispatches From My Day

2008-04-09T19:41:00.003-05:00

This is all in one real day, friends. If anything, I've cleaned it up for you.

1. (at the sound of rain outside) "Oh, it sounds so peaceful. I want to wear a white dress." (???)

2. Me: "A good example of personification would be something like 'sorrow knocked at my door'. We all know sorrow doesn't have hands, it can't really knock."

Kid: "What if somebody name be sorrow?"

3. My Special Ed co teacher left Friday to have a knee replacement. She'll be out the rest of the year.

Kid: "Where Mrs. Uhhh" (you might ask how I know he meant co teacher and not me. Easy. I'm Ms Uhhh, she's Mrs Uhh.)

Me: "Remember, she's out having surgery. She's having a knee replacement."

Kid: "Mang! She gone get someone else's knee? Who give her a knee?"

Me: "No, she's not getting a knee transplant. She's getting a plastic knee so she can move better."

Kid: "Mang! She must make BANK if she gone buy a whole new knee!"

Fast On The Heels of A Great Day Teaching Literature

2008-04-06T09:57:00.001-05:00

Friday, a child in my class snuck cheetos into the library.

In her cleavage.

I'm prouder than you'll know.

The Best of All Possible Days

2008-04-03T20:12:00.002-05:00

We're finishing Night

First hour--The class finishes today's reading on their own and on the way to turn in his book, the biggest gangsta in the class walks to hand his in while he's reading. He's walking slowly, almost reverently, to the front of the room where he quietly reads, slowly closes his book, and stands there just a second, as if to take in what he's read.

Fourth hour--They're slightly ahead today, so we'll be reading the passage where Wiesel loses his father. I'm reading aloud. I'm absorbed in reading about the disentary, absorbed in reading about a son staying at his father's side, and by the time Eliezer wakes to find another prisoner in his father's bed, I'm choking on my tears. I see everyones eyes pop up from their books, one by one wondering if it's ok to see their teacher cry, and as I pause to compose and move on, the biggest smartie pants I have picks up with the reading. We finish the book and the class is silent.

At the end of the period, he leaves class and stops to talk to me.

"Ms Educat, I was about to cry too."

I love this part of my job.

Thoughts Turn Lightly

2008-03-27T19:43:00.003-05:00

This is just the kind of hard hitting news we've needed.

"Look, Martha, says here that kids don't like a-comin' to schoo when it's all
nice out! Don't that beat all!"

Ms Educat's after school club for kids who don't read good is struggling. Imagine a group of kids where all have failed some kind of English. Then sit them in a room in front of a computer from 4pm til 5:30pm. Than make it 80 degrees outside. Then add me. And don't stir. I force cheer--ffoorrccee it!

Threepete is late every day. It's hard for him to maintain a committed, loving relationship with his truck when Ms Educat is making him read Last of the Mohecians and answer gay questions (yes, somehow these questions love other questions). When he comes in late, I dare to ask him what could have happened. He glowers at me and says something like "Mmrgh mrrgh mrrgh truck, man, lea me alone!"

The Prince of Darkness isn't doing well either. He's chosen Left Behind for his free reading (and yes, I asked him why, and if he was a Kirk Cameron fan...). He gazes up into the flourescent lighting to see if he can shine light from his pentagram and burn a hole in the ceiling. He can't. I remind him that he would probably read faster if his eyes were somewhere near the book and with a look of scorn unfitting to one reading such a holy missive exclaimed,

"SSShhhhha! I've read, like, 116 pages!".
"So you're done? Ready to do the
write up?"

I'm pretty sure he just tried to burn my face with his pentagram.

The good news?

I made this one kid laugh so hard today that he got a nose bleed.

Awesome. My work is done.

There Are Many Ways To Say I Love You

2008-03-25T19:28:00.002-05:00

It seems a Google Search for "Story about a cat's fur that says 'I love you mom'" will take you here.

I cannot imagine a situation in which cat fur would ever say "I love you, mom".

Aboard, About, Above, Across, After, Against, Along

2008-03-25T19:02:00.003-05:00

For years, I've defined a preposition to children as "anywhere a squirrel can go". It works, they remember it, and it brings me great joy to watch them later as we work through our daily grammar muttering "the squirrel can go..." as they work.

And now, two weeks later, I can tell you why I might stop using this trick because it may both creep me out and cause me to convulse in laughter.

I will tell you the story and since this is an edu-blog, prepositions will be in boldface.

So the Widdah Educat (she's a widdah, but a young and vibrant one) calls me at 1:45 one morning near tears.

"I need you, I need your help!'

"mgrgh...huh?"

"I need you, There's a squirrel in my bedroom and itranacrossmybedandwokemeupandIneedhelpchasingitOUT!!!"

I gather myself and go to her house to find her standing on her bed with a broom, poised for battle. It took an hour of coaxing and crouching in wait, followed by manic screaming and chasing (at one point he jumped on her--she did quite a dance) to get him out the door.

We stood silently panting in fear after he left. I seriously waited for a second with the very sleepy misguided thought of giving him a head start. I honestly believed he'd be waiting in the dark by my car to finish inflicting the terror he had started.

...and now, I'll stop with the prepositions and reflect.

So today, I found myself explaining prepositions to one of my afterschool tutoring kids and couldn't stop laughing. I had to tell her the story and we found ourselves testing the theory and laughing...

"The squirrel woke my mother up when he ran across the bed!!!!"
"He hid in the corner behind the footstool!"
"He jumped off the TV cabinet and onto my mother!!!"

Since the night of the living squirrel, I've been regaled with more stories that I can shake a stick at. I was reminded of Senora Crib's brush with a raccoon (we share the broom as a weapon of choice) and another co worker/blog reader shared her deep dark fear that she shares her home with a raccoon (Hi, M! How's the crawl space?). It was the courage of these story tellers along with a post by Dooce that finally gave me the strength to tell my story.

I'm Educat. I've chased a squirrel with a broom in the middle of the night and I teach prepositions.

Fulfillment Of My Dreams

2008-03-18T19:46:00.001-05:00

I just heard about Duran Duran's North American Tour and had a brief, fleeting dream of cutting up a sweatshirt and hitting the road with Crib Chick to catch a show. It probably won't happen (the nearest show to me, however, is the day before my birthday in one of my favorite cities...), but wouldn't it be glorious to see all those flabby, middle aged woman arms raised with cell phones a-glowin' during "Save A Prayer"? Just imagine.

Damn You, Knitty!!

2008-03-13T20:26:00.000-05:00

You and all your infernal new issues!! I'll never have time to knit it all!!!

Now I want this...

I want it both to knit and to wear. I could wear it all long and drapy this time of year when it's not exactly clear for what season we should dress.

But I also want to sit and just watch this flow off my needles

(and by flow, I mean trickle. Seriously, I'm not that fast and this isn't that easy).

Dang it, into the queue you go.

ED in '08: The State of America's Schools

2008-03-12T17:49:00.001-05:00

I'm pondering this. Researching it, even. My kneejerk response, however, is that it's impossible for me to fight the anti-intellectual, anti-school attitudes that my kids bring to school daily.

More on this later, like I said, I'm thinking...

If You've Said Seven, You've Said Too Much

2008-03-10T19:23:00.007-05:00

Chitarita has me fascinated with the Six Word Memoir. I spent my whole drive home thinking of how I could summarize my life in six words.

It's hard to do, summarizing the state of your life thus far in six words. Although it was my first thought, I shied away from my first idea, "Can I wear capri pants yet?". My disdain for long pants weather is great, but it doesn't define me.

Then I started playing with something to illustrate the happy accident this ride has been so far. I never thought I'd be happy after I transferred to a new high school. I ended up at a University I'd tried to avoid, and I always thought I'd be something more glamorous than an English teacher.

So I tried on, "Huh, never thought I'd love this". Almost works, but I'd like perhaps to allow that my future could be something I'd dreamed. Maybe I'd even release this idea that I could plan my entire life and enjoy the chaos. So I dropped that idea.

If I were to find one quality that's been with me as long as I can remember and I'd keep for the rest of my life, it's my sense of humor. It came from my family and might be the best gift they've given me. So I have my six words. At age 36 and a half, I'd characterize my life with the six words

"Just me, or is this funny?"

Enjoy other people's memoirs and share your own!

Six-Word Memoir book preview from SMITHmag on Vimeo.

Long Trip In A Short Bus

2008-03-09T21:17:00.001-05:00

I followed this real live bus home on Friday after a looong week. Someday, I'd like to imagine myself and some friends riding into the sunset in one of these babies...