Like A Love Poem, But With Far Less Poetry

You know I love The Crib Chick. I've never hidden it. Tonight, I loved her more. I was at the suburban grocery store picking up processed sugary candy to throw at tomorrow night's football game (Maybe not suckers, you think? Because I totally have this vision of this kid with a stick in his eye and the business end of a Tootsie Pop sticking out, staggering to the ground, yelling for our team...) and she's driving her organic produce home to her rural paradise.

And who's the Liberal here? Who is Conservative?

That's right. I'm an Educat and she's a Crunch-servative. We're like Hall and Oates, this one and I. But we're agreeable enough that we can sing "White Devil Be Craaaa-zy!" or "Solid As Barack" to each other (If you're not down with this, go back and watch the video. You're just not paying attention.). Sure, her teenage daughter might roll her eyes and giggle and my fellow shoppers might arch an eyebrow, but this is love, kid.

And it's SOLID! SOLID AS...

Well, it's solid.

Remember The Last Time This Happened?

Can you see? It's $1.98 gas! I remember when I used to pay less than a dollar for gas. It was in my adult life, even.

The last time it happened, by the way, is here.

So to all my other kinds of nerd, you can add "gas price nerd".

NaBloPoMo

Should I? I totally might, but it means you might just see pics of knitting projects and hear me whine about grading.

Things I Cannot Do While Our Hot Water Heater Is Leaking And Therefore Unusable

1. Take a hot shower.

2. Felt the Christmas trees I've been knitting all week

Here's a pic of someone else's. Someone who had hot water.

3. Properly wash oatmeal residue from bowls without much scrubbing. Have I ever told you about how my dad used to tell us that the pyramids were actually made from dry, leftover oatmeal? He'd say that while scrubbing said oatmeal and so the declaration was punctuated with his scrubbing. "Girls...the pyramids are made of the stuff that dries in your oatmeal bowls!"

4. Did I say take a hot shower? Because I'm saying it again.

defies title

We've started reading Night and have watched parts of a documentary showing Elie Wiesel visiting his old village and then traveling to Auschwitz.

I'm starting class.

"What have we seen so far?"

"Wiesel goin home"

"Right, he went to Sighet and then traveled to where?"

"Ass-wash"

No one laughed. They all believed it. We have work to do.

Sub-Normal Social Awareness

It's seemed to be the day of the annoying sub for me. I'm pretty sure the annoying albino one came on to me today during my plan.

"You have such an incredible sense of grammar. What one book was most influential in your ability to teach grammar so well?"

Now, if I were an lesbian with an albino fetish (and there's nothing wrong with anyone who does, I'm just not one of them), she still wouldn't turn my head because somehow she managed to ask me this while I was RUNNING into the workroom to pee (last chance for two hours!!) and fill my water bottle. Not smoove.

The other one (I have no identifying name for her...yet) was sitting on the sofa with a book while I was having a meltdown (left my class in the room, trying to "wake up" a computer whose monitor has died [I was not yet aware of this] so that the district tech could remote into the machine so he could help connect our super great assessment program that WON'T WORK. I really almost cried this morning...) and she somehow thought it was the right time to ask if I ever sensed that the students choose to play down their intelligence for social reasons. Does today's popular High School student want to appear smart?

You know what, Margaret Mead? I. Don't. Care. About. That.

Shut Up, I've Earned This

End of the Nine Weeks+Mojito=Fun for you, the at home reader!

No one believes grades are real until the end of the quarter. No one understood their outside reading assignments (despite our bi-monthly library trips and repeated explanation with handout) until the end of the quarter. No one!!! How DARE I!?!??! And it's worth pointing out that a SENIOR who is somehow taking Sophomore English wanted me to take seriously her reading of "High School Musical, The Junior Novel", and allow me to count it for ten percent of her grade.

Chortle.

I spent a better part of the day logged in to our new assessment system (Have you experienced these things? You upload your exam, they print a scantron for the test, and you send those in via scanner and get kick-ass data? I'm in lurv.) and at the end of this long, wretched, day, I realize that I've been ignoring the question of my new assessment system...

What Would You Like To Do Today?

Now, none of the options were really honest for me. I wonder if perhaps I could get a button on the site that said "Leave now and go home to knit" or perhaps, "Tell the children exactly what I'm thinking" or best of all, "Feed children to the wolverines".

Their options were just ridiculous. "Manage classes". Yeah, manage my butt. You get over here and manage these bitter nasty children with a button.

It's all messed with my head to the point that when describing the free gift from the local "take and bake" pizza place, I could only think of "Father Murphy" instead of "Papa Murphy", so I keep think of Merlin Olson bringing a pizza with a tickle me bouquet.

Did I mention that I'm out Thursday and Friday? Ha!!

Let's all just make peace. If Hall and Oates can do it, the world can live at peace.

Dad Wakes Up Early

I've been awake very early this week, no idea why. Monday when I woke, I found myself putting on music. All I wanted to hear, it seemed, was Dad music. I listened to The Carter Family and Levon Helm and The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band and I can't explain the feeling it gave me. Crazy as this sounds, I got up for the day feeling like I'd spent half and hour with my dad. It didn't make me sad, I only cry as I remember it (like now, a little bit), and I felt rested.

Yarn In The News

I fear that this might be exactly the sort of cranky I will be when I grow old.

Criminal
gran gets knitting punishment
Tuesday, September 30 2008, 20:08 BST
By Daniel Kilkelly, Entertainment Reporter



An 89-year-old grandmother who went on a tyre-wrecking spree in her street
has been ordered to knit jumpers for her victims.



Heidi Kohl, from western Germany, was arrested after one neighbour spotted
her slashing the tyres on a car. She later confessed that she had resorted to
drastic measures after becoming "fed up" with so many drivers parking in her
neighbourhood.



Kohl was initially told that she would be fined for her behaviour, but
authorities came up with the more unusual punishment after the woman claimed she
would be unable to pay.



A spokeswoman confirmed: "When she's knitted the sweaters, then the matter
will be over for us."Kohl is believed to have wrecked 50 tyres in total.
Prosecutors have said that she will not offend again as she has since been moved
to a retirement home.

I can see my temper flare up in this dangerous sort of way. I'd be living alone, no classroom to give me perspective and practice at patience, and then I'd snap and go on a slashing spree.

This leads me to wonder, however, about the punishment. Was she forced to knit with scratchy acrylic on metal needles? Do the victims get a say in the design of the sweaters? Sad the we'll never see the woolen end to the story.

Pardon Me

This is my life's true ambition. Forget teaching, I never really graded all that crap. I want to tease my hair up high and travel the land, knitting and bringing this song to the masses.

And are you aware that the second Mason Dixon Knitting book is out? And that they are truly the most engaging knitting prose ever to be written? It is because of them that I plan to start Fair Isle knitting as soon as these essays are graded.

If you don't knit, they'll make you want to.

You may post in comments your intention to serve as my roadies, band members or whatnot when my tour hits the road. Just me, the music, the yarn, and a dream...